may_song

Hello, Again

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 21:36:19 GMT

It's been almost three months since my hiatus. No more, I say! Or at least, not so much.

I am officially back from my huge hiatus (and depression) and though I have nothing to show for it aka Jaemin fiction, I will be posting and reading and commenting! I know I missed a lot of good stuff, I feel it in my bones.

Despite me coming back, I am without some muse and the one that I have is almost new; a newborn baby I wanna say. Why? Because it is a new year with happy beginnings! I'm close to finishing my AA, I have the most kick ass and wonderful boyfriend ever, and I have the determination to succeed in everything and anything I want to do.

Let's hope it lasts. I've already skipped a few classes. *cough*

I'm also back with a new fandom that I will write about because no one seems to be writing about them despite the (rather surprising) club of people who like these couplings. May I present to you....Wonder Shinki. Yes, the Wonder Girls with DBSK. It's been a huge obsession of mine for some time now and I wanna write about them, damn it! No one can stop me.

So keep an eye out for that. I will try to finish up my Motion Sickness chapter 3 soon -- it's been in the process for the longest. And well....I also wanna jump back into the challenges and all, I've missed so many weeks. I need to get updated too, with DBSK and Shinee, I'm totally lost and behind. I blame my boyfriend for that. <3

That's all for now, yay!

The City's Met the Sea

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 00:11:45 GMT

HIATUS:

- noun

a break or interruption in the continuity of a work, series, action, etc.

It's so...presumptuous of me to say I'm a great writer and thus have the right to go on hiatus/ use the word hiatus. But it's a lot shorter to write and it gets the point across with six letters. I'm currently trying to achieve something in the real world that is a make or break dream and I'm hoping that I make it. Or it might just break what little sanity and esteem I have. So I have to put all of my effort and time into this dream before anything else right now.

Sorry Lisa. I promise to write up some JaeMin soon -- and stray from JaeHo -- and I'll finish Motion Sickness.

I'm actually, officially, depressed lol. And it's been very hard trying to get out of it? Writing is usually how I relinquish any evil feelings but it has done shit for me right now. =P
This dream of mine is what keeps me going right now -- so it totally deserves my every thought and action.

So, until then....I say good bye.

And I'll be back with lots of goodies, hopefully.

-- Amy

A Ridiculous Batch

Tue, 14 Oct 2008 17:52:55 GMT

I have this horrible habit of accumulating icons little by little instead of making 20 or 30 in a row. I wish I could do the latter but at the moment, my mind is set on the former. I like to use not so recent pictures of people because...I don't know, I go against the grain lol. The batch is nothing special and it's highly unorganized and very random but I just needed to put them up before I went crazy with the idea of having unused icons on my comp.

1 - 9 [ Hoshino Aki ]
10 - 16 [ Kim Jaejoong {DBSK} ]
17 - 20 [ Rainie Yang ]
21 - 24 [ Transformers ]
25 - 33 [ Key {Shinee} ]
34 - 38 [ The Dark Knight ]
39 - 46 [ Masanobu Ando ]
47 - 60 [ Bryce Avary {The Rocket Summer} ]

01.	02.	03.	04.

05.	06.	07.	08.

09.	10.	11.	12.

13.	14.	15.	16.

17.	18.	19.	20.

21.	22.	23.	24.

25.	26.	27.	28.

29.	30.	31.	32.

33.	34.	35.	36.

37.	38.	39.	40.

41.	42.	43.	44.

45.	46.	47.	48.

49.	50.	51.	52.

53.	54.	55.	56.

57.	58.	59.	60.

- Comments are nice
- Credit if ya take one! I sorta like a few. =P
- I do not own a single texture and picture used to make these icons. If I used one of your textures, please message me so I can add you to my credits list.

After the Bittersweet Taste { Sequel }

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 19:51:41 GMT

Title: After the Bittersweet Taste
Genre: Romance
Rating: R; just to be on the safe side of profanity and innuendos
Length: Oneshot
Pairing: JaeHo with a dash of YooSu
Author's Note: This is the sequel to The Bittersweet Aftertaste requested by the readers and I can only hope to match the essence of the previous ficcie. So if it's not too happy, you know why. Gotta follow up in a reasonable way! =]

(The Bittersweet Aftertaste)

Sometimes you fall asleep alone.

The bed stretches forever beside you, expectedly cold and untouched. You have this habit, this unbreakable habit, of curling up to the edge, daring to fall but merely hoping that someone will take form next to you – to untidy the neat silence and static pillow case.

So you lay there, a lithe, reclusive figure tucked beneath thin sheets, back against the morning sun that beams from the window you forgot to cover after your casual smoke.

The heat kisses your skin.

It lingers on a beauty mark upon your shoulder and how real the warmth feels, running across bare flesh in a manner that stirs you awake – you know the sun does not feel this good so early in the day.

“Wake up, sleepy head…” he whispers into your hair, smiling against it and you can feel it, meet it when you turn to face him.

He appears like the blur of a dream before your dazed eyes, still fluttering away the slumber to greet Yunho’s tepid smile with clear perspective.

“You always look this good in the morning, Jae?”

And like a dream, you hold onto it, slip your arms about him and breathe in his scent. “Depends on how I wake up…”

This time, you wake up to a surprise.

Sometimes you hurt yourself.

A slip of the hand, overwhelming lettuce, the raucous upstairs of Junsu’s stomping bed and Yoochun’s guttural singing – it all adds up and spills over the cutting board.

“Shit!” you hiss, dropping the knife into the sink and quickly shove your finger into your mouth.

“You cut yourself?”

The question begs something sarcastic from you and you cleverly deliver, baring teeth like a tempered dog.

“No, Yunho. I’m just sucking on my finger for the fuck of it.” The words, though, are more honest than they were ever intended and a furious blush sweeps over your cheeks and neck.

If only the smirk on his face was not so mischievous and the space between you both so little.

He takes your hand; plucks out your injured finger, without any consolation, and you hold your breath as he stares tentatively at the trickling blood.

Before wrapping his mouth about the injured digit.

You gulp down words of shock but cannot refrain from peering at him with wide eyes, hot and bothered under his stare that reads quite frankly:

For the fuck of it, indeed.

Sometimes enough is enough.

“You’re gonna have to come home sooner or later.”

The hum of Changmin’s old Nissan follows close behind, gnawing at your patience under this cold, endless drizzle. The shirt you tended to this morning, ironed with care and smiled at the work, now clung to your frame, hooking into your every crevice and silk had never felt so goddamn irritable. The cold creeps into your lungs but the ire settled at the pit of your stomach, flashing in the glare you send him, it keeps you hot and lets you go on for another street.

Yunho drives up beside you, window down and eyes soaking in your stubborn image.

He’s not amused but

he isn’t going to leave you; hasn’t done so in the past hour.

“….You’re going to freeze to death, Jaejoong. Can we talk about this when we get home?”

You sneer.

“Why? So we can play mommy and daddy in front of the others and show just how perfect of a man you are? And how you’re always right, how you know everything, and whatever you say is law?”

The words are laced with venom and each syllable tied to a regretful memory that keeps you moving forward, whether you freeze to death or not.

Silence settles between you and him for a moment, the sound of pitter pattering rain upon the hood of the car an attempt to soothe your rage but failing miserably. It annoys you (but you love it) to know that he is still here.

He sighs and you pretend not to care (or watch) as he parks the car ahead and comes out, resigned with his hands in his pockets and a frown for forgiveness. He does not wait for you to walk up, rather comes up and takes his place beside you, eyes forward to the darkened horizon.

“You’re so difficult.”

A smirk slowly draws upon his features, “But I love you just the way you are. Even if it means arguing down the street, in the rain, at three in the morning.”

And you remember why you can't stay unbreakable.

You wonder behind the cold steel of your eyes if he knows how much the word love means to you. And how heavy it feels on the heart.

"You say it so easily," comes the shudder past your pale lips, eyes cast to the puddle ahead that you have every intention to step in.

But his fingers form about your arm and gently moves you out the way. "Because it comes easily to me...."

"Saying it or meaning it?"

Separating yourself from his grasp with a superflous amount of strength -- that's more for show than anything --- you look to him. In the way you wished he would look at you, into you.

The smirk falls from his mute lips and questions shift under his furrowed brows. "....Both, Jaejoong."

"Doesn't feel like it. Never does. Look," you scoff and feel that unnatural smile twist your mouth into that mechanic feature -- because the tears are burning behind your eyes and it is all a chain reaction. His words, your feelings, the silence, the pretense.

"I'll be home soon. I just want to walk thi---"

Interruption comes in the shape of his palms about your cheeks and his mouth a breath from yours. He sees you now, peers in past the irises and any closer, your lashes would brush with his to catch and cradle the raindrops.

"I love you." He says. "I love you."

A rivulet slips into the curve of your lip, perhaps from the rain, perhaps from the....

"Mean it, Yunho.....Mean it."

And he kisses you, tasting the saline from your tear and presses the meaning of love into every line of your lips.

And you remember why you love him.

.

.

Atlas Will Not Shrug

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 05:09:10 GMT

Title: Atlas Will Not Shrug
Genre: General
Rating: PG
Length: Drabble for shineeworld challenge 04: We All Fall Down
Pairing: Onew | Key
Author's Note: I honestly dislike calling Onew by his real name. It doesn't roll off my tongue right and Jinki sounds like a baby name. Onew is nyu baby. But for fiction's sake, I'll try to call him by his moniker.

There’s that grimace again

It shears through his façade; a grin and a chuckle. But his hand cradles his hip and when Key squints past the glint of hot spotlights, he sees the fingers tremble.

The songs play on, the screams fade out and all he knows is the pounding of his heart and the sweat on his brow. Backstage, Key finds him leaning against the wall, catching his breath.

“Jinki,” his voice temporizes and cautiously stands beside him. “Does it hurt much?”

There’s that chuckle again, forced between the panting and Jinki pivots to look at the solemn countenance. “Does what hurt?”

He all but yelps when a hand flashes to touch his flank and jumps away as if singed.

“Don’t, Key.” The name reminds them of who they are and what they play.

“.....I’m just tired.”

Fool, Key inwardly sighs as he watches Onew depart. You’re just human.

Love is an Ability

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 00:17:50 GMT

Title: Love is an Ability
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG
Length: One-Shot
Pairing: Yoosu
Author's Note: I had an older account for TVXQ fiction so if you're like, "zomg, May_Song, you plagiarizing slut! I read this somewhere else, you stole it!" relax. It's my own work. I just want to put it up here because I'm going to delete the other account. That, and I have no muse out of nowhere and seeing my old work makes my current muse envious. Maybe that'll get it back up.

Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for
to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence
that they satisfy you.

-- Wayne Dyer

He's seen them kiss. Their lips do not touch, no, but the soft texture of her cheek is blessed ever so gracefully with his small mouth. In her eyes there suddenly burst an emotion so familiar to Yoochun; it's the sensation of being loved on the spot and one feeling that sets your heart fluttering with unprecedented velocity -- and your cheeks flush red, like hers did.

Junsu came to take a seat across from him, some smirk of delight dancing at the edge of his upper lip. He's ignorant, blissfully ignorant, of the way the baritone grinds his teeth upon McDonald's junk and how Yoochun is staring into the scratches of the table.

"She's amazing...." Junsu, dazed and fading, sighed.

"Is that right?" He kept chewing, gladly taking his turn in being oblivious to his counterpart's abrupt, focused gaze. There was no way of hiding the acid in his question, sour enough to burn his throat and Yoochun wished he hadn't said anything.

Reluctant eyes shift to Junsu, who's been waiting for acknowledgment. "Is something wrong, Chunnie?" The nickname barely held any affection and it was about as cold as the soda Yoochun chugged as nonchalantly as possible.

He shook his head while a heavy heart nodded. "Nothing at all, Junsu. Nothing at all...She is amazing."

That sent the love struck young man back into a calmer, less defensive state of mind and he almost giggled, propping his elbow on the table to cradle a cheek in thought.

"Love's too deep of a word to use to describe what I feel for her. But, damn, never did I like someone so much....," his words crush the heart sitting before him but the smile on Yoochun does not falter and he nods along, heart disagreeing vehemently.

"What do you think, Yoochun?" Su looks back to the quiet man. How he does not notice the hurt in the other's eyes is beyond unimaginable than the way Yoochun is still seated, taking the blows of an undertoned heart breaker.

"What I think?" he repeats softly and shifts his attention to his lap for a moment.

"...Have you ever sacrificed yourself for someone? Really sacrificed?"

"....Out of love?"

"Yes, out of love...."

"Not that I can recall," Junsu chuckles lightly and Yoochun raises his head, smiling in accompany to the light hearted man's laugh.

"....Then you don't know anything about love."

The Happiest of Men

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 23:34:23 GMT

Title: The Happiest of Men
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Length: Drabble for dbsk_flashfic , challenge
Pairing: Jaeho
Author's Note: My notes are going to be immensely random. Here's the first of the insanity: Why the hell did Craig leave Bless The Fall? Does he not know how pivotal he was to the band? To my inspiration? Bah. I'll never see him the same while he's in Escape the Fate...

(To build up this fortress into the clouds)

Motion Sickness

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 09:17:49 GMT

Title: Motion Sickness
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-15
Length: Chapter Story
Pairing: JaeMin

Synopsis:

It's been over a year since the fatal car accident that left two dead and Changmin soulless. But what better way to find your drive to live than to simply take a drive with the one you lived to love?

A week had passed since their last attempt to bring him near the car, their red ambition that motivated the gang to conspire against the young man and his solitude.

They’d often knock hastily on his door and footsteps scampered away, like a stumbling stampede, all the way to the turn of the hall. He would shout a “what do you want?” that remained unanswered until another eager set of knocks occurred. And he lost his patience after the sixth ignored inquiry, a furious hand pulling the door open to reveal his seething form.

“What the hell are you guys do—“

A jingle and awkward floor topography jerked his attention down to his foot, where beneath him lay the car keys. He peered at them curiously, as though never having seen the ring of copper before, and looked to his right at the ascending row of heads that peeped from around the bend. He thought, back then, that Junsu’s grin and the victorious smirk on Yunho’s face had triggered his change of gears.

He snatched up the keys and flung them towards the group, watching their faces lose light when the keys skidded to a halt before them.

“I’m not driving that damn car, forget about it!”

The door slammed shut and he let a heavy heart collapse onto the bed.

.::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::.

The hours of morning had taken to shine their every minute through a gap between window shades, and on his bed, all shuffled positions received the same inescapable light. In defeat, he stretched himself over the span of the mattress, palms flat against the covers and his boots over the edge. He stared skywards, meeting the ceiling instead, but he preferred it that way, and let his mind wander in limited square feet because anything outside of that was unwanted by him.

He listened to the hum of the ceiling fan, watched the panels circle endlessly with blurring speed and for a while, his thoughts had collected themselves to focus on the motion, wondering if he could catch up and match their velocity.

The stick shift felt warm under the sprawl of his hand, the pressure of a pedal recognized below his foot. He could match that speed, he thought, and he motioned through the gear pattern with ease. Shift to second until third was needed; press down on the clutch and race across the dark street. The growing sound of his car, the acceleration cutting….

“Daydreaming again, kid?”

Changmin smirked and switched to fourth. “You know it, Jae.”

He could see his form from the edge of his eye but kept his focus on the street and oncoming traffic light, yellow nervously asking for him to stop.

“You winning the race?”

Red light; and it blared and burned.

He jolted in his skin and the screech of his car died behind the hum of his ceiling fan, his hand clutching the covers, his foot pressed down awkwardly against the bed.

Red light; and it dried his throat. “No….You know I lost.”

.:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::.

He left those four walls behind after the blond had retreated from his room, because Changmin found it hard to breathe with the car exhaustion filling up the place, his mind.

Loud and protesting, his stomach was momentarily silenced by his pressing hands and he wide eyed peered about the hall, in fear that someone would demand he eat or they’d spoon feed him lunch. The growling settled, though, and he quietly moved to the garage door, stood before it with a hand hovering over its knob.

Was it still there, his car? Did it know it mocked him with her glossy red paint, body sleek and remodeled after the crash that left her faceless. She purred an insult that came in a wisp from under the door and up to his thoughts. I’ve changed for the better; you remain at your worst….

He slipped into the garage and silently closed the door behind him, turning to her presence that captivated his every sense. She was beautiful, arrestingly beautiful, and she drew him in; Changmin cautiously approached her, his hand gliding over her form.

Was she still the machine that tore up the asphalt and defied the limits of 40, preferring the 80’s and 90’s?

He frowned as he stood before her hood and peered inside, hands resting in pockets at the sight of her wheel.

Was she still willing to serve under his command – and was he willing to command her after the year, after the crash and the deaths. Could he take form in the driver’s seat and not be crushed by the knowing that someone had died beside him as they had spun in circles, like his ceiling fan, and not be crushed by the weight of someone's body against him. Dead weight like painful thoughts.

Changmin peeled his eyes away from the Nissan and made his way out of the garage, taking a long glance over his shoulder at her before his departure.

He needed to get the keys.

Author's Note: If reading the last paragraph -- the one about the crash and deaths -- left you feeling like you just read sentences that went in circles. don't worry; that is the purpose. *smirk* It's just one big circle of commanding and being commanded, the memories that crush him, the dead body crushed against his own, the spinning in circles like a ceiling fan. Just wanted to clear that up if anyone was like wtf did you just write, May_Song, you idiot! Hope you enjoyed this big mess of a story!

Motion Sickness

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 04:44:34 GMT

Title: Motion Sickness
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-15
Length: Chapter Story
Pairing: JaeMin
Author's Note: This was going to be a quick one shot, but my mind had a surge of ideas as to where this could go and well...it'll be a quick chapter story. My first ever for DBSK so let's see how this goes. The soundtrack of this story is one song: Pieces by Red.

Synopsis:

It's been over a year since the fatal car accident that left two dead and Changmin soulless. But what better way is there to find your drive to live than to simply take a drive with the one you lived to love?

The dust should have settled about its form.

There was a an inch deep layer of grime and ignorance missing but there she was, vibrant red and shining, awaiting him as though it had just been yesterday since their last drive.

And not a year.

Amongst the boxes and spider webs, a swamp of brown and dull shades of tools, shoes, and sports utilities, the Nissan burned ambitiously and beside her left front wheel was a bucket and towel. Someone had come to tend to his car and Changmin brought the mug of coffee to his lips. Who would clean the damn thing when no one planned to drive it or had driven it in so long? He grimaced from the cold taste regrettably in his mouth – or simply from the idea that someone wanted him to take the girl out for a spin.

He spared her a look, peering in curiously as he passed by. Only to tighten his jaw at the sight of the steering wheel and all thoughts of possibly, just maybe, taking a seat in her collapsed. And Changmin left the garage.

.::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::.

The clatter of silverware thrived far above the morning chatter the rest of the group was having and he followed the sudden yelp coming from the kitchen.

“Why can’t you hold onto anything!”

“Because I’m half asleep!”

“You're not anymore.”

“Oh, shut up. You tried to burn my balls on purpose, dolphin sh---“

“Who cleaned up my car?”

All eyes snapped to Changmin, standing in the hallway, mug carelessly inclined towards the floor and there’s a drop waiting to be spilled. Hands and mouths were suspended in motion – Junsu gripping a fork near Yoochun’s thigh and the latter with syrup and pancake across his lap. Yunho is the first to initiate life, a smile graced his lips before he looked away from the pits of an irritated young man and casually cut some margarine.

“Yesterday or the days prior? You’re going to spill coffee on the floor.”

He easily returned eyes back to a narrow glare and should Changmin have slit his eyes anymore, he would have had them shut, still annoyed with eyes open or closed.

“What do you mean the days prior? You’ve been cleaning that junk for days?”

“It isn’t junk. Chunnie pass me the syrup, please,” Yunho dismissed the snapping tone and moved casually under the hot gaze.

“It’s my car. Do not touch it, hyung.”

The mug tilted to the floor quite dangerously.

“Then drive it, Changmin. We can’t be taking you places all the time now. So drive it.”

Yunho’s words held no weight but tension sunk into the kitchen and the pancakes in their mouths tasted like steel and just as heavy.

“…..You know I can’t.”

And he left, coffee mug back to his mouth and taste bringing tears to his eyes.

.::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::.

A year, he thought, was a year – what made them think he would change his mind after all this time?

These hands, these fingers that gripped a porcelain circumference with the want to break it, they were not meant to steer anywhere, anymore.

He came down the hallway in a storm, a countenance so stone faced with no intention to smile or speak at the moment, but he came to a halt beside the door to the garage.

He was in there, Changmin grit his teeth.

Jaejoong was in there with the car, enticing him with his presence behind the wooden panel; probably with a smile to ease the roughness that had become Changmin. And though the young man did not enter the garage, he remained close enough to be beckoned inward.

“Minnie,” he called, and Changmin closed his eyes.

“Minnie, don’t you want to drive today?”

Beneath the veils of flesh, tears forced their way out, slipping under the rim of lashes and down cold cheeks. Changmin shuddered and drew forth red, angry eyes.

“No.”

“Not today. Not ever.”

And the storm went on, down the hallway.

Come Alive

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 18:20:30 GMT

Title: Come Alive
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG-15
Length: Drabble for shineeworld challenge 03: Goosebumps
Pairing: Key | Onew | Jonghyun
Author's Note: Hooray for my prompt suggestion being numero 3 on shineeworld ! Three is my favorite number. Also, sorry for the weak title.

Feet tangled at the ankles, their bodies cornered behind the bathroom door, and Key is smothered beneath Onew.

His hands, trembling, ran over the curves of strong forearms; arms meant to lead and lead they did, past the waistband of Kibum’s jeans. And Key desired this; eyes closed and mouth gasping in need.

His fingers grazed the light switch and he flicked illumination off – and only then did skin race with bumps. Only then, in the darkness his leading man became the one of his dreams.

The name died in the battle of tongues and remained in Key’s mind.

Jonghyun.

Stranger than Fiction

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 05:50:39 GMT

Title: Stranger than Fiction
Genre: Comedy
Rating: PG
Length: Drabble and a half response to shineeworld challenge 02: Aliens
Pairing: Jonghyun | Key
Author's Note: The title was taken from the wonderful movie, May_Song recommends you watch it sometime soon. I am so friggin glad that Key and Jonghyun are such hand-holding babies.

Super Mario and Kirby pause in mid-air, oncoming fists and kicks shining with visual ka-pow and Onew hisses in pain as Taemin blocks the tv, bright tangerine skinny jeans demanding attention.

"Taemin," the contender calls. "Move, please?" Onew keeps his gaze on the jeans, waiting for the moment to press start once again. But Taemin remains rooted, mouth agape as he soundlessly makes words.

Sighing, brotherly eyes meet the widened pair and the former furrows his brows. "...Taemin?"

".....I....they....Key....weird...."

"Wha? Key? What's wrong with Key?"

Innocent fingers raise to touch his lips.

"K-K....Kissing.... Jonghyun....kissing Key."

The glaze dissipates from the boy's eyes, and he looks to Onew, seeking an answer for what he had just witnessed. His hyung gives a small "oh" before looking back down to the jeans, wishing he could see past the fabric and legs.

"That's normal. God, you looked like you saw an alien or something."

</lj>

Home Ingredients

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 15:20:31 GMT

Title: Home Ingredients
Genre : Comedy
Rating: G
Length: Drabble for dbsk_flashfic , challenge
Pairing: Jae | Min | Yoochun
Author's Note: I am starving.
(Pepper & Potato)

Bittersweet Aftertaste

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 18:39:09 GMT

Title: Bittersweet Aftertaste
Genre : Angst
Rating: PG-13
Length: One Shot
Pairing: Jaeho with some Min (not in the way you think)
Author's Note: I wrote this a little while back, in between muse and lack of it, but here it is, I hope the concept of it is understood and stuff....Line break is very important! *poet in rage*

Sometimes you give him your back.

You may be at parties, mingling with the stars and supernovas of your industry and you will linger with everyone but him. You slip into circles, laugh with the girls, and slink out of the rings as though your presence was but a reference to whatever it is they're talking about; news, hair gel, innuendos. And you wonder, all the while, as you sip your drink caught between lazy fingers, if he is watching. Your voice is a little higher today, your smiles a bit more meaningful and where you once placed a friendly hand on someone's shoulder, you now brush a sensual palm over a hip.

Is he watching, is all you want to know tonight.

Sometimes you grow cold with him.

Sitting but a few inches away from him, you might as well have been hours apart. A timezone where you are night and he is a bright day, lighting every fucking person's face but yours. How is it that his grin makes others smile and yet, you glare at the ashtray upon the coffee table. If only you could take hold of it and toss it at his chest. Look at me, you scream behind the facade of a grin. Look at me and tell me that I matter. That I am not him or her or anyone else.

"Jaejoong, what do you think about Tiffany's hair?"

I think it's hideous, Yunho. But you don't say a word nor offer your gaze in his direction. You merely uncross your legs and take to a standing. "It's gorgeous. Pardon me."And you leave, because he never sees you in a crowd, and you're just like everyone else to him.

He can't even see that you're upset.

Sometimes you realize you're to blame.

Steam creeps up the mirror, blurring your image and you breathe in the heavy air. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the one who is at fault? "I am," you mutter, swallowing the dryness of your throat and all the apologies you should have said -- and still have time to say.

It's easier to see what you've become when the reflection is simply white fog. Because that's what you've become -- and now you know that you are not what you were before. Tepid fingers slowly streak across the glass, drawing lines with no direction but down. Funny, how you're always frowning and feeling like shit nowadays. It's exhausting to restrain so much anger and the cost rests in the bags under your eyes and sleepless nights, where all you want to do is write songs about heart break and secret loves. Where all you do is think about how childish you're being and God, how you miss him when he's not around. You stand under the showerhead and bow your head in shame.

Forgive me, Father, for I know what I do.

Sometimes you just
break
down.

Changmin curiously peeps into the kitchen, calling your name as if you'll pop out of the oven because you're certainly not standing anywhere he can see you. Pots and pans are a puzzle among your crouching form, slumped against the counter and a hand cupping your face. Keep your chin up, keep your chin up.

"Hyung?" You look up to see his worried features, eyes seeking reason in your very own pair but he finds it in the stains of tears across your roster. "I can't do this, Minnie. I can't anymore." The sob brings him forward and his arms wrap around you as you reach to be embraced and hide away in the curve of his neck under the soft questions of what happened, are you alright, what can't you do anymore.

"Pretend. I can't pretend."

But you do pretend. Everytime.

You pull away from Changmin and let his hands roam your face, fingers brushing back the bangs, sweeping under your soaked lashes. He's never seen you cry and these unknown tears frighten him, frighten him into rising up, saying he's going to get Yunho. But you restrain him, hands clumping fits of his jeans. "Minnie, d-dont. Don't, I---"

"How's the cooking come along," a voice sings from down the hall, the voice of none other than your love, your pain. Quickly you climb up to your feet, in a mess of clashing sounds of stainless steel and burst out laughing. Min, startled, looks on with bewilderment as you lean onto him, laughing into his arm just as Yunho strolls in, smiling, as always.

"That, that was funny, Min," so says your grin and shaking shoulders as you round to face leader sshi and his curious countenance, staring onto the mess. "Did something h---"

"Oh, that? Minnie here told me the most abrasive comment and I lost a bit of control, trying to spank him with the deep fryer," you roughly wipe your tears on a sleeve, hiding behind the drape of it for a moment only to reappear with a brave smile. "But in the end, it was comical because it's true! But that's all....I'm gonna go to the bathroom for a second. Just to fix this horrible mess of a face."

And you leave them with words in their mouth and a lie to keep Yunho smiling and Min quiet. It always it is like this and sometimes, all the time,

you wish it wasn't.

What a Comeback

Sat, 20 Sep 2008 07:00:27 GMT

I expected more from them, considering how it's their great return to Korea and they are ever so proud of their work. Dong Bang Shin Gi needs to step it up; yes, I know that the song was given to both Sarah Connor and TVXQ, Sarah releasing it first, but this is ridiculous. It's like a great, big and loud, slap to the face to the Korean fans -- to the fans who like their Korean songs. Perhaps they didn't know that the song would be offered to someone else as well? I don't know. But at least they could have done something original rather than sing it in another language ( Shinee's irritating me with making remakes left to right as well ). Shame on their producers, the boys just sing and dance. But ugh...so disappointing, really. Not one song but TWO and this one is their single.

Shame. Even their music videos are similar. I don't think DBSK bought the same artistic director now, hmm.

I'm speaking from an unbiased perspective because as much as I love the guys, I can't be blind and just say DBSK SINGS IT BETTER! FIVE HOT GUYS OMFGAWD! THEY'RE TOUCHING THEMSELVES IN THE VIDEO, WHO CARES ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE! I refuse to and that's not love or respect for your idols. They want you to see them as artists and not dolls to play with; they want to know that you do care about their music and you will point out mistakes like a mother, a friend, someone who cares. So they can become better.

Here's both of the videos -- I'm a bit of a Sarah fan because she's such a smexy German and her tunes are great so I was listening to Mirotic today and I kept thinking, crap this is catchy, it's almost like I know it. And boom. By the way, I'm horribly traumatized now; I keep imagining Jaejoong and Sarah mixed in some awkward transvestite sort of mutation. Icky. But yeah, I love DBSK's version a lot more so don't worry.

Hey!

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 21:54:08 GMT

Oh my gawsh, now we're taking from The Red Hot Chili Peppers? Tsk, tsk, tsk, DBSK! The song is hot damn great but becareful where you tread.

Let's listen to it one more time!

P.S. Give it away now is the hottest thing RHC have ever said so this song just rocks me. Plus the pep rally beat lol. I feel like this is for some Korean football team.

Dance Wonderfully

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 01:52:42 GMT

I am so excited for Mirotic; it's so damn sexy. The preview delighted all of my senses and sparked my interest to write a oneshot. No, Lisa, it's not JaeMin just yet. I would have to say that the thirteenth second of the clip is the subject of this little fic, because I honestly thought....you know...wonderful thoughts when I saw it. So cheers to the hot song, hot dance, and bare chests.

D A N C E W O N D E R F U L L Y

It isn’t very hard to ask for a break after a relentless attack at the chorus. Nor is it difficult to ask for repeated, quick lessons.

“Again, please?” Changmin mumbles in deep accented English, the kind he learned from Junsu who has nudged Jaejoong to have him kick the back of Yunho’s ankle to ask Yoochun how to say “what the heck was that move again?”

The response finds itself diluted on Min’s lips, coming from an elegant – and overly wordy— phrase to the chopped plea it is now. But their American counterpart understands and slowly rewinds the choreography.

He’s a lenient guy, Kenny. He laughs at Junsu’s delight when they sway their hips and encourages the slim figure of Jaejoong to move with the music and not the counted steps.

So when they huddle about a small TV set, crouched on knees and leaning over at the sides of the little grey box, they imagine that he’ll find their idea interesting.

Correction, “your idea,” Yoochun slants bored eyes at a grinning Junsu.

Let’s not concern ourselves with the notion that out of nowhere, a tape reveals itself in Su’s hands and he slides it into the VCR and cuddles over Kenny’s shoulder. “Watch, watch.”

Silence sets in the studio for a moment before the laughter of women break through and a familiar Susie Q tune chirps in. Kenny cannot understand why they’re watching five women dance in heels but he watches either way, squinting to see just what exactly the charismatic member of TVXQ wants him to see.

“Okay! Okay!” Junsu suddenly points, finger practically digging into the cupped cheek of So Hee from the Wonder Girls and Changmin lightly curses under his breath. “I knew it,” he rolls his eyes. “I knew it.”

“Eomeona, that part. Chunnie, tell him we want to do that part.”

“Junsu….,” the older man could only drag a hand over his face, peeking between fingers to find an indignantly pouting Kim.

But Kenny gets the hint and imitates the action along with the syllables. “Omona?”

Attention snaps towards the choreographer’s expression and only Junsu is able to escape his shock and nod vigorously. “Eomeona!”

It wasn’t hard to incorporate the little move into the dance and as asked, Junsu was front and center for the motion; hand spread over his pink lips like a slip of the tongue had been made but this boy wasn’t anywhere near apologetic for such a voiced desire.

It wasn’t hard at all.

To Lisa

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 09:17:13 GMT

Okay, Lisa. You said I wrote too crappy and below my usual standards when it comes to chatting online. Omfgzwtfnfwsrsly?!
So this is to show you -- because you f.o.r.c.e.d me -- that I can write with the depth and style that get me the grades in class. Had you let me choose the pairing, I would have done Yunho and Jae but we both know you're not so kind. Liar, lawyer, what's the difference; the college degree you're receiving for the latter? =P

You know I heart you! You knew this was coming. No happy go freaking lucky greeting (for the sixteenth time) to the LJ World! Just a nice, big smile that says "SNAPS WHEN YOU GET TOO CLOSE" and a box of cookies. Sorry for everyone and anyone who comes across this ever bittersweet livejournal. I'm nice, Lisa just brings out the best in me which most likely brings out the worst in others.

Oh, yeah. This was supposed to be my credits post. Okay, If I used any texture, brushes, mentioned any inspirational author, I will mention it here. And yes, this will be called THE LISA CREDITING LIST. This is for you, baby. All for you.

C R E D I T I N G | YOU
THANK YOU, FROM MAY_SONG

rhythmheart
ownthesunshine
the_preamble

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